At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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