My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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