Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do herpes really smell.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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