so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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