Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Green mimosas i think yes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
