clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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