I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
