My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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