He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
