My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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