Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
