Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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