worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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