How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
