it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
