Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
