We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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