I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
