There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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