Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
