The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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