Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
