are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize