i jhust puked up my retainher.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
