I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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