Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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