Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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