I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
