do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
