would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
