your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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