The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
