omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
