Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
