i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize