the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
