the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
