ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
