dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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