It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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