Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
