Non-Jews are for practice
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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