if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize