who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
