Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
