Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you had me at cake vodka
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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