...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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