oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize