You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize