How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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