remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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