And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
