I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
