Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize