he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
