why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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