I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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