If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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