I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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