I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize