Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
there is glitter all over my balls
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
