You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
