We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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