do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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