dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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